• Poker Sayings
• Best Poker Quotes

• Poker is like sex. If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand. Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don't have a clue what they are doing. Dutch Boyd Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise. Q: What is the biggest difference between a church and a poker room?
• The Top List of the Strongest Poker Quotes; Funny Stories. The Most Exciting and Satisfying Poker Stories List; Funny and Interesting Horse Race Stories; Jokes about Pro Poker Players. Why Are There so Many Jokes About These 3 Pro Poker Stars?

Quotations about Poker

Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes. 11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you. Share these gambling jokes with your friends. 12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.

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The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius. ~Julius 'Big Julie' Weintraub
If, after the first twenty minutes, you don't know who the sucker at the table is, it's you. ~David Levien and Brian Koppelman, Rounders
I stayed up one night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985, stevenwright.com
Is it a reasonable thing, I ask you, for a grown man to run about and hit a ball? Poker's the only game fit for a grown man. Then, your hand is against every man's, and every man's is against yours. Teamwork? Who ever made a fortune by teamwork? There's only one way to make a fortune, and that's to down the fellow who's up against you. ~W. Somerset Maugham
[Poker] exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great. ~Walter Matthau
Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom. ~V.P. Pappy
The commonest mistake in history is underestimating your opponent; it happens at the poker table all the time. ~David Shoup
I must complain the cards are ill shuffled till I have a good hand. ~Jonathan Swift
'How long does it take to learn poker, Dad?'
'All your life, son.'
~Michael Pertwee
Poker: the art of civilized bushwhacking. ~Nick Dandalos, attributed
Poker is the game closest to the western conception of life, where life and thought are recognized as intimately combined, where free will prevails over philosophies of fate or of chance, where men are considered moral agents and where — at least in the short run — the important thing is not what happens but what people think happens. ~John Luckacs
Cards are war, in disguise of a sport. ~Charles Lamb
In a game of poker, I can put the players' souls in my pocket. ~Beausourire
I believe in poker the way I believe in the American Dream. Poker is good for you. It enriches the soul, sharpens the intellect, heals the spirit, and — when played well, nourishes the wallet. ~Lou Krieger
Poker, n. A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown. ~Ambrose Bierce
Poker is... a fascinating, wonderful, intricate adventure on the high seas of human nature. ~David A. Daniel
Poker's a day to learn and a lifetime to master. ~Robert Williamson III
Whether he likes it or not, a man’s character is stripped at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. Unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life. ~Anthony Holden
With spots quadrangular of diamond form,
Ensanguined hearts, clubs typical of strife,
And spades, the emblems of untimely graves.
~William Cowper
The poker player learns that sometimes both science and common sense are wrong; that the bumblebee can fly; that, perhaps, one should never trust an expert; that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of by those with an academic bent. ~David Mamet
Poker is a microcosm of all we admire and disdain about capitalism and democracy. It can be rough-hewn or polished, warm or cold, charitable and caring, or hard and impersonal, fickle and elusive, but ultimately it is fair, and right, and just. ~Lou Krieger
Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead. ~Jackie Robinson
Poker is to cards and games what jazz is to music. It's this great American thing, born and bred here. We dig it because everybody can play. ~Steve Lipscomb
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e., everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. ~Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens, 1991
Hold'em — like life itself — has its defining moment. It's the flop. When you see the flop, you're looking at 71 percent of your hand, and the cost is only a single round of betting. ~Lou Krieger
[Poker is] as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find outside an advertising agency. ~Raymond Chandler
You have it in your power to turn a bad-beat around simply by realizing this simple truth: The more bad beats you encounter, the luckier you are. It's a sign that you are playing against opponents who continually take the worst of it, and if you can't beat someone who always takes the worst of it, you can't beat anyone. ~Lou Krieger
Old card players never die, they just shuffle away. ~Author Unknown
Industry executives and analysts often mistakenly talk about strategy as if it were some kind of chess match. But in chess, you have just two opponents, each with identical resources, and with luck playing a minimal role. The real world is much more like a poker game, with multiple players trying to make the best of whatever hand fortune has dealt them. In our industry, Bill Gates owns the table until someone proves otherwise. ~David Moschella
Most of the money you'll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponents. ~Lou Krieger
In life's poker game, the optimist sees the pessimist's night and raises him the sunrise. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
I've often thought, if I got really hungry for a good milk shake, how much would I pay for one? People will pay a hundred dollars for a bottle of wine; to me that's not worth it. But I'm not going to say it is foolish or wrong to spend that kind of money, if that's what you want. So if a guy wants to bet twenty or thirty thousand dollars in a poker game, that is his privilege. ~Jack Binion
There's opportunity in poker.... If Horace Greeley were alive today, his advice wouldn't be 'Go West, young man, and grow up with the country.' Instead, he'd point to that deck of cards on table and say, 'Shuffle up and deal.' ~Lou Krieger

Poker Sayings

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Best Poker Quotes

1. “Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.” ~ Steven Wright
2. “Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.” ~ George Carlin
3. “The next best thing about gambling and winning is gambling and losing.” ~ Nick “The Greek” Dandalos
4. “Money isn’t everything unless you’re playing a rebuy tournament.” ~ Unknown
5. “If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.” ~ Phil Hellmuth
6. “Trust everyone but always cut the cards.” ~ Benny Binion
7. “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” ~ Paul Newman
8. “Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don’t have to do push-ups.” ~ Penn Gillette
9. “Bad beats will, from time to time, still rob you like a crack addict with an empty pipe.” ~ Rick Dacey
10. “Going on tilt is not ‘mixing up your play.’” ~ Steve Badger
11. “Poker is a lot like sex. Everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.” ~ Dutch Boyd
12. “You played that hand like a vegan.” ~ Erick Linderer (to Daniel Negreanu)
13. “May the flop be with you.” ~ Doyle Brunson
14. “Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck.” ~ Phil Hellmuth
15. “It’s not whether you won or lost, but how many bad beat stories you were able to tell.” ~ Grantland Rice
16. “I never saw a poker player’s money that I did not like.” ~ Oklahoma Johnny Hale
17. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be good at poker.” ~ Phil Gordon
18. “They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero.” ~ Max Shapiro
19. “No river, no fish.” ~ Amarillo Slim
20. “The beautiful thing about poker is that everybody thinks they can play.” ~ Chris Moneymaker
21. “The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.” ~ Julius “Big Julie” Weintraub
22. “I must complain the cards are ill-shuffled till I have a good hand.” ~ Jonathan Swift
23. “Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.” ~ Unknown
24. “No-limit holdem: Hours of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror.” ~ Tom McEvoy
25. “If you play bridge badly, you make your partner suffer, but if you play poker badly you make everybody happy.” ~ Joe Laurie, Jr.
26. “To be a poker champion you must have a strong bladder.” ~ Jack McClelland
27. “I don’t play any two suited cards. I play any two non-suited cards. That way I’m drawing at two different flushes.” ~ Amarillo Slim
28. “Every poker player, like every fisherman, needs to have a story in a box, and most poker stories are completely uninteresting.” ~ Jason Alexander
29. “Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists.” ~ Shane Smith
30. “Poker is generally thought to be America’s second most popular after-dark activity. Sex is good, they say, but poker lasts longer.” ~ Al Alvarez
31. “Dogs are lousy poker players. When they get a good hand, they wag their tails.” ~ Unknown

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